Hollywood 's classic murders, stalking and deceptions would never have been possible today' s technology to. Joe Queenan writes the script for the digital age

In the harrowing film 127 Hours, finds a kind of casual wear James Franco played in a mountain gorge with his arm trapped trapped under a boulder. A few years from now, with Google Earth track everywhere and for everyone, the character of Franco wouldn 't have much of a problem after he' s missing for a day or so his friends and family would not hesitate to contact with his cell phone provider, and they would immediately be free track phone into the canyon and sending a search party for him from his predicament. All you have to do what he would sit firmly to ration its water supply, and we hope that the rats and rattlesnakes don 't get him first.

But because 127 Hours in a time when a person is without phone service is still pretty much left to fend for themselves is set, the hiker is played by Franco himself in a pickle whole. Ultimately he has to chop his own arm to avoid starvation. Film lovers who enjoy this sort of thing - myself included - should gather rosebuds while you can, because a day will come when the technology is so pervasive, so intrusive, so ubiquitous, so inevitable, that it will not be possible make a film like 127 hours, no longer possible to make a movie where James Franco, has aired as much as anyone who watched him, co-host the Academy Awards this spring suffered suffer. Unless, of course, the climbers decided to go into the desert without deleting communication device. Or when the film was put under water. Or on the earth 's core. Or on another planet. Or in a parallel universe. Or run into a mountain gorge completely covered by a coating. What is just as ... OMG ... impossible. Although such a plotline would be a fantastic ... Total ... awesome.

In recent years directors have been constantly forced to confront story breaking penetration of new technologies, resignation, given the fact that now storylines that are completely plausible are not as recent as 10 years ago plausible. Sometimes need, directors simply choose to ignore this, the cops would only prove one e-mail or by fax photo in the recent thriller Unknown, that is not the scientist Liam Neeson, he says he is, but a professional killer. Unfortunately, that would mean that the whole premise of the film disintegrates before our eyes. So the director simply choose to act as if his audience consisted of morons.

But most directors are not going to take that route, and won't pretend their characters lack the most basic, obvious information-gathering and communications skills, because it leaves such a gaping hole in the middle of the story. This is particularly true when younger, tech-savvy audiences are the target market. Resentment of the long shadow cast by technology may explain why a number of recent high-profile movies – Inglourious Basterds, Robin Hood, Secretariat – have been set in the past, where modern technology cannot ruin things for everybody. Frankly, I think this could lead to a lot more films like Gladiator. Or a revival of the western genre. No, not Cowboys & Aliens.

To illustrate this, in the following sections we will examine from cases in which they have mobile phones and Twitter and Facebook and Google and LinkedIn and Droids and iPads and the Internet would change in general and destroyed in many cases, the plots of classic films by the centuries, often making it impossible to film in the first place.

Psycho

Before checking into the Bates Motel in an abandoned backwater California, advises Janet Leigh Tripadvisor on their iPhone and reads: "Smelly, dirty, really creepy owner, constantly talking to a parent no one sees Filthy shower Manager 's. office smells of stuffed birds, no Wi-Fi. Often traveling alone on business as an innovative website designer, I stupidly checked into the Bates for one night with a gift voucher my ex to me, and I tell you I spent 10 sleepless hours the dresser against the door, leaning my toenail clipper sharpening appalled that the owners wanted to come and hack me into pieces with a butcher knife Oh, one more thing: No cable .. "To Leigh doesn 't in the hotel, there are no terrible Psycho shower scene and not become a classic.

Dial M for Murder

You can 't get someone to strangle your wife to death with a telephone cord anymore, because nobody under the age of 70 years to a land line. Since it would take a long time, someone suggested reasonably fit, like Grace Kelly, to death with a cell phone, the murderer tried to do it with a portable shredder, but she did with her legs iPad. Or completely with an out-of-date netbook done it in order to have lied. Or with the server it uses to store all the music from old vinyl records. Or something.

Play Misty for Me

Sultry Psychopath Jessica Walter doesn 't get the chance, Clint Eastwood harass every night, taking him on the phone, and purrs, "Play Misty for Me," because Eastwood puts it on the no-call list, a tactic was not possible in the year 1971, when the film was shot. So she calls another DJ, maybe someone like Jon Voigt, who doesn 'know t about no-call lists, and Play Misty for Me does not start Help Eastwood' s career as a director and none of us get these Sondra Locke watch movies.

North by Northwest

The whole storyline of the film revolves around a bunch of mysterious strangers who mistake advertisers Cary Grant for a fictional federal agent want to do it in. Now upgraded with modern technology, says Grant, that he is working on Madison Avenue, and not for the State Department in Washington, what to report, James Mason and the guys at his company 's web site acknowledge their mistake, apologize abundant, and send him on his way. The scene with the Crop Duster never happened. Eva Marie Saint doesn 't climb down Mount Rushmore in high heels. North by Northwest goes south.

The ring

In both the Japanese original and the remake of very fine American, dies anyone who sees a creepy video within seven days, as a creepy little girl comes slithering out of the television and frightened her to death. VHS is now obsolete, so this would never happen today. DVDs are on their way out too. Maybe if the people who illegally download the movie from some server in Holland, the creepy little girl would just kill the guy, the file-sharing system will initially allow law enforcement authorities happy everywhere. But even in this scenario could there be problems because many people are illegally downloaded videos on their phones and even the scariest little girl would have trouble, slipped a screen that small. Once she had her performance, threatened party could just remove the SIM card or the phone in the feed flow. You 're not expensive. Realistically, if the ring were made today, the creepy little girl would probably upload their films on Netflix and a million people would get an unexpected visit from her. In the meantime, thousands of movie fans would blog that Ringu was a much better horror film, because Japanese streaming services are scarier than Netflix. Everyone knows, dass

The Spiral Staircase

In this classic 1945 thriller, is a mute housekeeper (Dorothy McGuire) is not to call the police and tell them that they are in a spooky, isolated mansion is captured, where she is a murderer, who can not speak it, is white and will not be terrorized so handy with their fists. E-mail, smart phones, text messaging twitter, what have you the whole story line obsolete. Fortunately, no one makes these kind of movies are no longer in any case. You 're offensive to silence.

One Missed Call

In Takashi Miike 's excellent 2003 film - the 2008 American remake is not quite up to snuff - innocent Japanese kids get phone messages from the afterlife, they warned that they turn to die a terrible death. Phone messages make great cinema, because of the suggestive power of the human voice. But One Missed Text? One Missed Tweet? Just not the same. Another thing: In more than an Asian horror film, providing photographers with the development of films in their dark rooms of people who are brought to life unexpectedly murdered during the development process. Those days are over. Thank you, Digital Camera.

Chinatown

This classic Roman Polanski turns to Jack Nicholson 's trying doggedly unearth the identity of the nefarious person, the valuable water rights in the San Fernando Valley has. It takes the entire film Nicholson, to find out that John Huston is the puppet master here. Today, all this stuff about crooked developer and water rights would be, so no feisty gumshoe already required to be thesmokinggun.com. The film would simply never leave the ground. "Forget it, Jack," would be the last line in the film. "It 's WikiLeaks \."

On the run

Harrison Ford, on the run, Google's "One-Armed Thugs in the greater Chicago area" and solves all his problems. He could get even Google "One-Armed security experts from Illinois Pharmaceutical Company" and the same result. He might even one ad on Craigslist and said, "straight, white-armed psychopath looking for casual sex the same water a plus \ .." Who needs Tommy Lee Jones, if you '\ ve got the net?

The Bonfire of the Vanities

A few years ago there was a whole series of films, such as Grand Canyon and Doc Hollywood, that innocent people whose lives forever when a wrong turn from the highway, all wanted by the Bonfire of the Vanities, took part last, in where Tom Hanks found himself far from his Manhattan penthouse. GPS makes everything, no one gets lost more. Nobody goes through a bad neighborhood without Global Positioning System in those days. If you 't have GPS, you' don \ re an idiot. And if you 're an idiot, you deserve to die.

The Talented Mr Ripley

Matt Damon doesn 't no such thing as Jew Law. He just doesn 't. Facebook, YouTube, Google, the whole shooting match would just blow Damon 's little pathetic masquerade right out of the water. You \ re not 'that talented Mr. Ripley.

Goldfinger

James Bond would know in advance in order to search for Odd Job 's deadly chapeau, since Q sell one of these hats, would have seen dirt cheap on eBay.

Throat

Sharks, even Great White Sharks humongous, aren 't that hard to kill. That 's, because sharks are stupid. Still, if 't you otherwise congenial to free summer freshness of a ravenous great white to be successful, simply convening a spontaneous gathering of resourceful, experienced shark hunter on Twitter, and your problem' at first you don \ s solved. It 's not a case of, "We' re going to need a bigger boat." It 's "We' re going to need a bigger flash mob here in Amityville."

The list of films to get their land torpedoed by modern technology goes on and on. The Silence of the Lambs. Die Hard. Memento. Scream. And every movie, hide in the small children or young women in need in a closet or basement or under the bed won 't work anymore, because eventually make their smartphones that annoying "shutdown" beep and Chuckie or Beastmaster or small girl from The Ring or Al Pacino will know exactly where they are. If you 're smart enough to turn off your phone before you hide under the bed, you' d be smart enough to not be in the house in the first place. Or smart enough text of the FBI before you dive into the linen closet.

Here is the central paradox in all this: directors have no problem with an audience of ghosts, vampires, succubi, extraterrestrials, poltergeists, goblins, wizards, giant worms, which do Latter-day dinosaurs, or rustic seem werewolves, the unrestricted access to have steroids , everything is as perfectly logical and believable. But it is impossible to get anyone to believe that a character would not be in a horror movie or thriller with the technology needed to be prepared for the depredations of his rampaging, bloodthirsty stepfather film.

This is the impasse has brought us to the technology.

One bright spot: Deliverance. I was recently in the rural South, and I could 't my e-mail or a phone call for two whole days. The poor guys who were in the wilds of Georgia still in a world of trouble.